In addition to all the other spaces

In the summer of 2025, before a single weekend had run, we opened a waitlist and 450 guys signed up in 36 hours. I made a TikTok that day, and said this:

We need something else in addition to all the other spaces that we already have.

In addition to. Not instead of. People sometimes hear the name and assume No Sex Gay Weekend is a rejection of gay bars, or of the apps, or of the scene. It isn't. It adds something. It doesn't replace anything.

Nobody is closing anything down

I said this to QX Magasin and I'll keep saying it: I don't want to forbid people from cruising. I give people the option to choose a break from it for a while.

A lot of gay bars in Madrid have dark rooms, and I actually think that's kind of good. It means you can just go down there if that's what you want to do, it's there, and then people can just chat normally in the main space. Both things can exist in the same building.

What I've found, running this, is that I'm not alone. As I said on Friend of Dorothy, "it's been nice to see that I'm not alone in thinking that there's a different way of going about stuff as well as what we already have."

More is more

There are more and more in-real-life events now, which I'm so happy to see. There's lots of gay sport and common interest stuff, and honestly, the more the better. I think in real life is happening not just in the gay world but everywhere, and we really can do with more of it, because online is so bad.

Before No Sex Gay Weekend I ran quizzes and social nights with Get Social. When you go to a pub quiz, it's fun, but you rarely stray outside your table and you don't really talk to anyone. I see loads of people now, not just in the gay world, trying to create spaces where people can connect more easily, because it's actually very hard for anyone.

What No Sex Gay Weekend adds is a space with no common interest required. As I told Queerty in September, clubs and leagues revolve around a shared interest, and "when you don't have that common interest, it is kind of hard." Here, the only thing you need in common is wanting to meet people.

What I'd like the bars to do

Part of me wants to improve gay venues, but I really think it's up to them. If they want people to come, they have to make them friendlier places. Stop putting drag on every night. No one can talk when there's drag on. Make it easier to talk to people.

If any gay bars want to talk to me about how we can start creating community in those places, I'd love that. If people come and feel welcome, and feel like other people want them there and can talk to each other, make friends, make dates, and have hookups, that's fine. That would be a real win. As I said on Friend of Dorothy, the hope is that we "make cities social places to be again."

That's probably what gay clubs used to be, before the apps, in the '90s and 2000s.

The dream, plainly

My dream is that Grindr still exists, but in any city you could go to a place on a Tuesday, whether it's called No Sex Gay Weekend or something else, and meet gay guys in real life. I'd love gay guys to feel good about themselves and make connections: make friends, meet their partner, whatever it turns out to be.

I can't be everywhere at once, so what I'm trying to do now is get other people to run events where they are. It shouldn't be about me running everything. In any city, you should be able to make a connection with gay guys without the pressure, and that should be a normal alternative to the things we have now.

Who is it for? I said it once by a pool, on TikTok:

Gay guys who want to make being gay nice, friendly, fun, go away feeling good about yourself, make friends, be part of a community. Not the opposite of all that.

Socials, day trips and weekends are on what's on.